The Muses Revisit

So tonight my muse is Mae "seasons," the new song they released this month on whatismae.com. It's basically an epic 13 minute piano composition which is set against the backdrop of a story and many pictures showing the transformation from summer to fall to winter and then spring. It's a pretty amazing track (which I have now listened to for the third consecutive time whilst sitting and thinking- probably the only true rest I've taken lately).

I started thinking about what I want in life again today, and given the fact that it's 12:30 am and I've got sappy piano music on, you'd better believe I'm back to contemplating it.

I've been thinking about success a lot lately. What it is, the fact that I'm seeking it, and what it will look like for me. Ashamedly, I know that it is the motivation behind most of what I do. To prove myself, to exalt myself, to achieve... something. To make something of myself. Not so others see it, but just so that I know it. Deep down. That I mattered, that I made a difference. Nothing is more satisfying to my stubborn driven self than knowing that I impacted life. That I put a dent in what we deem reality.

At the same time, there is a rising current of the impact of the Gospel sweeping in. I still work as hard as ever, but it is as if my need to succeed is somehow pushed aside, and although demonstrating the same bold resilience, my focus shifts, and the pain becomes more bearable, and the journey, more enjoyable.

So, that in mind. Here's the list I've got thus far:

1) To make it. Never give up and never stop pressing on regardless of the task.
2) To not waste my life, nor my time.
3) To have reached and grasped. To strive and push and attain whatever my heart desires.
4) To seek humility. I seek the destruction of self-motivation for selfish sake and gain.

Well, it's an hour past when I planned on going to bed, but so be it. I feel more refreshed, focused and ready for the gauntlet of work that awaits.

wearily trekking onward,
-storyteller