Breakthrough

So this week was Missions Conference. I hated it. I was very vocal about my feelings (not always wisely). I loathed the abuse of Scripture, unreasonable expectations and frustrations with me for feeling as I did. I realized today as I was debriefing myself asking "Am I angry with Missions as it is presented (and specifically the missionaries who were here- vast majority) or do I support it? What will I do when I'm a pastor?" As these things began to swirl about in my mind, I had an epiphany: I support Missions, but my philosophy is radically different and my desire is far removed from serving there. And that's not bad. I react to the pressure and assertions (often void of appropriate Scriptural backing) by shunning missions wholesale. Here is what I've learned:

I'd like to first say that the college's conference was the best Missions Conference I've been to yet. There were some fantastic moments and Kristi was there, so that part rocked. The moments I liked weren't focused or themed with missions at all. That's where I started to wonder if my criticisms were valid or based out of a general disdain for cross-cultural/ global missions. I began to get exasperated by yesterday evening when I felt extremely and unwarrentedly attacked by several of my friends (all of which were M.K.'s, Missions majors or future missionaries), and this was not the first time this happened during the week. I attempted to defend my position from people who would not accept my ideas or frustrations as valid. I began to wonder what my problem was. I wasn't passionate or interested in Missions. What was wrong with me? Was I wrong for feeling this way?

Halfway during the week Sean showed me a verse and asked me to edit a post he was making about how that verse had impacted him. It hit me between the eyes. I actually got mad at first because I thought he was showing me the verse as his way of confronting me. Then he showed me how he was telling a discussion group how it had convicted him. It's stayed in my mind and I've ignored it more than I've heeded it, but either way the Holy Spirit is using it. The verse is Proverbs 11:12. "He who despises his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding keeps silent." I had done nothing but complain and attack missions conference all week. Whether I was right or not in what I said, I was not behaving wisely nor seeking the best of my brothers and sisters.

I went to Kristi's session last night in the dorm meeting part. I met Kristi through Ben, my RA first year and Tim, a suite mate for two years (the one with whom I serve teaching rock climbing to junior highers), who had both served with Kristi on short term trips to Germany where she serves. I've been to every workshop Kristi has hosted since hearing from her/about her through those men and in dorm devos my freshman year. I have really appreciated her perspective and was encouraged and learned much from her experience and teaching. She is truly outstanding.

At this session I was sincerely thinking about this mess that Missions Conference had evoked. And it bothered me. So I decided to be vulnerable and ask this woman who I respected tremendously if I was wrong for disliking/ not being interested in missions. I explained where I was coming from (my past and passions up to date) and asked if that was wrong. She said "Absolutely not. God has trained, prepared and impassioned you to serve him and in a particular context. Sound's like you're right where you need to be." A great weight seemed to lift off my shoulders as I felt the comfort that I was not stupid or wrong. The other missionary who was with her said I had "learned the tools for cultural adaptation" and alluded to the idea that I should serve Christ on the mission field because I had the tools. I disregarded him completely.

This led to remembering Pastor Don's Missions presentations on Monday morning of this week. And I love it. So I'm not not interested in Missions, I'm just sick of the typical missionary and his message, which is "GO therefore to the NATIONS and make disciples," or some other ripped completely out of context message (more examples upon request). Kristi is a great example of the kind of ministry I want so badly to support (when I'm a pastor and now). she is the ONLY missionary to correctly deal with the Word of God, even on Missions catch phrase passages like Matt. 28: 19-20. She said, "the passage says in the Greek 'as you are going, or while you are going, MAKE DISCIPLES who are from all nations,' so no matter where you go (you will go somewhere, it's assumed), you are to MAKE DISCIPLES and follow Christ." Thanks Kristi, for the excellent exegesis.

More on Pastor Don (and tentatively my) philosophy later. I've gotta go to work.

So long for now,
-Storyteller