So the last few days have been kind of interesting.
Interesting in this context: difficult, beneficial, blessing, uncomfortable, vulnerable, breaking, progress, love. The last one's God's love for me. Understanding that has been the catalyst for a lot of things. I've been reading a lot in the last couple of days (Soul Revolution and The Shack) and I'm learning a ton. I'm trying to get a handle on that whole not coming off as arrogant thing. And I'm failing miserably in all kinds of other areas directly related to my two big problems: I don't love God and I don't love people. At all.
Yeah. Oh, the manifestations of said two problems fall into a couple specific categories as well. (Man, am I screwed up and broken) The first thing impeding my relationship with God is the fact that I really don't trust him. This week it was future stuff, whether pertaining to a life direction and vocation or my non-existent dating/relationship-love life.
I've had it out with God on several occasions this week, but the most comforting thing is just that I can go to Him with anything. I'm really enjoying life though. I am so blessed. really, I am. More blessed than I deserve, more blessed than I can comprehend. I got to go for a run today and that was refreshing. It was good to laugh with Finlay and throw Twinkies at him. It was wonderful to throw Eik in the pond.
Self-pity just washed over me as I wrote that last sentence. I'm very jealous of my brothers for stupid reasons. I'm so very broken. Lord, fix me. I guess that's probably where this particular post should end: with those beautiful statements from Anorexia/Nervosa.
I am Nothing
Thou art All
-Storyteller
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